Country Kitchen has contracted malware, owner Reginald VanHelderswoop told the press earlier today. With tears in his eyes he expressed his sorrow at the malware that spread from his computer to his tables late last week. “First pop ups were appearing on the Windows desktop, now they’re on my tabletops. If we can’t get this under control, they’ll find their way into our food.”
Banner ads are becoming increasingly common as few owners password protect their tabletops.
”This is a real problem facing restaurants today,” states local geek Murphy Carol. “Imagine biting into a juicy burger and seeing Benji’s face trying to sell you a mortgage. This really could happen.”
Rumors of malware infesting the old Ruby Tuesday building are exaggerated according to a Kahuna’s representative. “Every once in a while we hear the Waterworks Park Jingle in the air ducts, but we’re not concerned.”
Malware exterminator and local curmudgeon Terrence McCanders thinks differently. “You hear one jingle in the walls you better believe there’s a hundred more waiting. Better nip that in the bud or they’ll have LCD monitors popping up on the tables like what happened at Applebee’s. They got them a full-fledged commercial infestation all up in there.”
Country Kitchen asks that you be patient while they consult IT exterminators and to alert your server if any spokesman start appearing in the food. “For instance,” VanHelderswoop added, “if you see Chris Gomez in your biscuits and gravy, just eat around him.”